If you care about SPELLING more than CELLYING, this newsletter isn’t for you. Welcome to CSHL Insider #23: Jordan Newsletter. Brought to you by two #23s.
We have devastating news reported by CSHL Insider freelance reporter Caleb Brownlow about a tragedy regarding one of CSHL’s top talents.
In honor of the late Zach Lowe (didn’t die, just got smoked by ESPN), we’re starting this off with 10 things I dislike and really dislike.
Really Dislike #1: Myself
Imagine getting picked in the third round and and just being a complete fucking fraud at this point in the season with 0 goals and 1 assist. Rumor has it Jeremy is dangling Ward to CSHL's B Division or Karson. Guy couldn’t score if his life depended on it. Couldn't finish if it was December 1st and I had an ounce of self control. What a bozo.
BONUS LIKE: Look at this footwork from an elite athlete. They don’t teach this in the big leagues.
Dislike #2: The Public School System
As someone who went to middle school right next to Waymer at J.M. Alexander I can confirm our school system sucks ass. I have no idea where our graphic designer went but it can’t be much better than Charlotte-Meck. As someone who has the reading comprehension of a donut I'm throwing stones in a glass house but I own this glass house so deal with it. 0+0=/=4, 4+3=/=8. Please check our standings graphics for more clarity on this dislike...
Really Dislike #3: Goalies
Incredibly, neither of these goals are the clear-cut CSHL INSIDER Not Top Play of the Week until you realized the both happened Sunday. People save up hours, even days worth of money to run in our league and this is how we repay them. On the bright side, we also received the CSHL INSIDER Call of the Week because of this atrocity.
We also received the first ever CSHL INSIDER Celly of the Week as Prusia brought out the SNIPER after his full-court rip.
Dislike #4: Bateman Being Weak AF
What’s the point of being huge and slamming your stick if you can’t even break it. Big for no reason except to take up space mfer.
Really Dislike #5: Scorekeeping
Somehow we managed to have an entire A slate of games with no official penalties being recorded. I’m being specific here with the word official since they happened in real life but are nowhere to be found on the scoresheets or Al Gore’s internet. I could almost stretch my brain enough to understand this if somehow all of the penalties were on the home team so they were in the other box but nope! Definitely had penalties on both home and away this weekend. We keep track of stuff for a reason, just try 10% harder.
BONUS Editor’s Note: A Division absences were also not tracked
Dislike #6: The Raptors Bench
The Raptors bench is complete chaos and I wanted to kill myself just keeping score next to it. I don’t understand how screaming every different instruction as loud as possible to everyone at the same time is going to help. Turning the “it takes a village” approach into just burning the village down.
Really Dislike #7: Time Zones
Fuck time zones. Completely unnecessary to society. There’s literally no reason for them to exist except for people to pretend something is important that didn’t need to be changed in the first place. It makes no sense why we need to artificially add/subtract hours of the day so other people can wake up at the “same time” as you. We live on the different side of the country as people in California so why do both work days start at 8AM? Say ET was the standard time for everyone, then our work day should be 8AM-5PM and on the west coast they work 11AM-8PM. “Oh Chris well then what are people on the other side of the world supposed to do just work while the sun is down?” No you idiot everyone still wakes up and goes about their day when the sun is up and sleeps when its down in their local area, we just don’t have these artificial regions of time that we have to remember how many hours to add and subtract from UTC because some nerds in Greenwich decided to make our lives more complicated.
Dislike #8: Substitute Goalies
If you’re subbing for a team please wear proper goalie equipment, there’s 10 other goalies in the league that will be happy to let you borrow something, like a glove without a hole in the netting. We live in a society.
Editor’s Note: Keenan played awesome in net Sunday outside of the first goal in the Gladiators/Mullets game. Over two games he turned away 45 of 53 shots for an .847 Save %, with most goals being wide open backdoor passes or shots from the slot. That being said, voluntarily using a glove with a hole in it is objectively funny & we are equal opportunity haters at the Insider.
Really Dislike #9: Mark Stock’s Helmet
Helmet can’t even take a little throw into the parking lot? How is this thing supposed to survive a McKenna or a Cswaykus slapshot if it can’t deal with a little toss. May need to reevaluate the league’s insurance after this.
Dislike #10: Caleb Flopping like a Fish out of Water
Have you ever tried to move Caleb away from the net? Guy doesn’t give an inch unless trying to take advantage of an inexperienced substitute referee then he flies across the rink like a tumbleweed. Petrini moves into Gastonia and the entire place goes soft, hate to see it.
BONUS DISLIKE: PUBLIC SCHOOLS EDITION: JUNIOR EDITOR THINKING A MOUNT RUSHMORE LIST (and maybe Mount Rushmore in general) HAS 5 PEOPLE ON IT
Jr. Editor’s Midseason Mount Rushmore (B Division Edition)
THE BIG THREE
When the trio of Brownlow/LaFond/Rudolph are out on the court, you know the faceoff will more often than not won to either 23 or 7 and a great chance or goal is likely soon to follow if it’s in their O-zone. What an offensive dynamo this trio is.
Brandon Brownlow
I don’t think he needs much introduction. Many say he needs to just go play in A, I think it would be significantly more exhilarating to lead your team to a championship. A disgusting wrister with deadly accuracy in tow, Brandon is a premier veteran CSHL goal scorer.
Mike LaFond
He is a rare commodity and has faceoffs nailed. The Charlotte Rise player knows where to be and when to be there and makes sure his team benefits every time he’s on the court. A deadly shot to top it off, LaFond is a great addition to this team.
Mike Rudolph
Fast enough to be third forward AND the defenseman in the same play. Silky soft hands with great vision don't get much better than this. Not to mention he’s a great guy on top of it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him not smiling or laughing.
Karson Steckler
The little engine that could. If his mom isn’t yelling at him to wheel for the entire game, it’s Matt Bowser from the bench. And boy does he ever wheel. Half the time I get tired watching him run around for almost entire periods at a time, and seemingly able to score at will from just about anywhere in the zone.
Joe Petrellese
Speaking of able to score at will, Joe fucking P is able to do that from anywhere on the entire court. He bolsters a monstrous 76.9% (10/13) offensive point share while scoring 61.5% (8/13) of his team’s goals so far this season. He’s athletic and able to move his feet quicker than players often assume with a curveball of a slapshot as the cherry on top. He’s the commander from the bench AND on the court, so ideally his team follows his guidance.
GREENSBORO 3V3 RECAP
Charlotte had players compete on six teams across three divisions in the Frost Family Hockey 3V3 tournament in Greensboro this weekend, and Kermit’s Night Out captained by Bobby Arkus won the Novice (A) Division!
Caleb Brownlow was named MVP after scoring the GWG in the championship and blocking approximately 27 shots.
Thanks to the Frost family for hosting and we can't wait until next year!
Making a first time appearance in CSHL INSIDER, resident MVP and hired freelance journalist Caleb Brownlow gives his five players in CSHL whose impact is under-appreciated this season:
Connor Malmstrom - Straight up dude might actually be the undercover best player in Charlotte. Tons of speed, huge motor, great hockey sense, does everything right and never makes a bad play. He’s the MVP so far and it’s not close
Sean Byrnes - What he does on the forecheck has been a massive part of the Mullets success. Every time he hits the concrete it’s a huge positive for his teammates.
P-Martin Brodeur - Feels like only the past few weeks that people have started to notice how strong his game has been. Whatever age PMart turned last year is the year he entered his prime. PMart has been ELITE for about a year or so and people are just starting to take notice.
Eddie Ippolito - Eddie is an absolute stud. All he does is hustle and make plays on the defensive end. Without Eddie, this Flying V’s team is not nearly as good.
Mike Warren - Mike Warren is the most improved player in CSHL for 2024. Just stepping into a captaincy role for the first time, he already feels like a veteran. The leaps he’s taken as a player are tremendous, great defensively and offensively.
MIDSEASON MOUNT RUSHMORES
Editor’s Note: Players have to play 50% of their team’s games to qualify
A Division - Forwards
Cole Williams, Bombers
8G, 3A - 1.83 PPG
Backpacking the Bombers offense so far this season with the quickest release in CSHL, Coles also arguably their best defensive player alongside Jesse Turmenne; his impact on this team is insane. This team may be winless if he was off the roster as he drives everything for the Bombers and has delivered on his fourth overall selection.
Connor Malmstrom, Hoolies
6G, 4A - 1.67 PPG
An unnamed defenseman is going to be disgusted at this ranking, but Connor currently sits second on my rankings. Half of the most dominant line in CSHL, he is a relentless forechecker with great touch and passing around the net & is driving the powerhouse Hooligans so far. May get punished by how dominant his team is in MVP voting.
Jim Bateman, Wieners
6G, 5A - 1.83 PPG
The HWIC has had to take on an additional offensive load this season as first overall pick Sam Wood has only been to one set of games through four weeks. Bateman hasn’t gotten to play with JP & Wood in the same game this season and their legs will take a lot of pressure off of him so he can focus on ripping shots from the middle of the rink. This may be the season Bateman finally leads our A Division in points after consistently finishing in the top 5.
Kevin Helinski, Hoolies
5G, 4A - 1.80 PPG
The former MVP is a supersized version of Connor Malmstrom and dominates at Waymer, you could rank him anywhere from first to fourth in the Hoolies insane forward core. Can score from any angle and is probably the hardest person to play against at our home rink outside of Jack Ingalls.
Honorable Mentions: Zach McKenna - Rapids, has been here for two games this season and scored 7 goals, all against the Wieners. If he reaches CSHL Insider’s self-imposed 60% game criteria for awards, watch out. Forbes - Hoolies, elite just taking a backseat as Connor & Helsinki do the dirty work.
B Division - Forwards
Karson Steckler, River Rats
11G, 6A - 2.83 PPG
We are on a thirty point watch & all the other max-impact players in our B Division are playing defense this season. Probably the easiest MVF vote in CSHL history, has a huge lead over the rest of the league & has scored over half of his team’s goals. A small growth spurt away from our A Division where he clearly has the talent to play in now.
Michael LaFond, Flying V’s
8G, 1A - 1.29 PPG
Our resident faceoff guru with an A Division shot & hands, LaFond finds himself in a perfect role as a member of the V’s as he can focus on finding open pockets to shoot slapshots (or even ground balls as he scored two last week that were a combined 10 MPH) after winning at the dot. He’d probably have more assists if his defenders shot off the draw but the typically make a pass backside after his wins to create space.
Chetta Narach, Raptors
2G, 5A - 1.00 PPG
Probably would’ve put Beachy here if he finished a couple of the grade A chances Chetta gave him last week but that also explains why Chetta deserves this spot. One of the most talented players in B should be able to score at will in fours but “Chetta belongs in A” doesn’t ring true every shift as he gives up on plays easily. Chetta was ALMOST our CSHL INSIDER B Division Player of the Week after having a goal and three assists this weekend with a chance at 4-5 more assists if his teammates could finish, however that honor went to Raptors teammate and defenseman Jacob Burns for scoring three goals and locking things down on the blue line for his team.
Sam Rosentreter, High Voltage
3G, 3A - 1.00 PPG
Sam is so close to being a dominant player in B but just hasn’t quite put everything together. He has a good shot, albeit not a hard one as his release is quick, and while Sam doesn’t look like he’s always tying that’s probably just because of his long stride and reach. A very good two-way forward who I think will break out over the second half of the season.
Honorable Mention: Kaltschnee - Voltage, great around the net and improving as he plays hockey for (basically) the first time in a few years. Beachy - Raptors, Would have double the goals if he came to like five pickups and worked on some things with better players.
A Division - Defense
Jack Ingalls, Mullets
5G, 1A - 1.25 PPG
Jack could have zero points and I’d still put him first. The best leader in CSHL has the Mullets humming again as he gives the opposition zero time to breathe and rips slapshots from everywhere on the rink. We’ll probably see his legs and play improve as the season goes on as Ingalls gets back in shape following knee surgery.
Caleb Brownlow, Mullets
1G, 3A - 0.67 PPG
Caleb is consistently one of the elite defensemen of CSHL and is finally starting to get his due after winning MVP in the Novice (A) Division in the FFH 3v3 tournament this weekend. He’s a wall in the back, doesn’t let anyone around his goalie and potentially the best passer in CSHL now that Greco is on sabbatical. He’s also getting mentally stronger with age as he’s not getting baited into dumb penalties like the last few seasons.
Chris Cookingham, Rapids
2G, 4A - 1.00 PPG
While his Rapids have all runners for their forward group, Cookie is the only one with burners on the back end as he makes up for the lack of speed from the rest of the defense by constantly cutting down off the rush chances and driving play forward with his legs. The NBHL’s Carolina T3 MVD also played defense for the “Kermit’s Night Out” team that won the Novice 3v3 Division this weekend, he seems to have found a home on the back end where he can control play. If Cookie was a better finisher he’d be an S-tier player in CSHL.
John Peters, Wieners
2G, 4A - 1.20 PPG
Peters is a dawg and takes a lot of the playmaking responsibility in his hands since Wood has been absent most of the season. A great athlete (and semi-pro box lacrosse player), JP will probably have a jump in play the second half of the season as he will probably score a few more goals with his slapshot from the blue line. A huge x-factor for the Wieners in the playoffs as they have three weeks to get their tem figured out.
Honorable Mention: Turmenne - Bombers, the best defensive forward in CSHL now being forced to play defense which of course he is great at. Stock - Wieners, has improved a ton this year and makes up for a lot of deficiencies his team has defensively. Becht - Hoolies, THE defensive-defenseman in CSHL.
B Division - Defense
Mike Rudolph, Flying V’s
7G, 3A - 1.43 PPG
My MVP-non Karson division, Mike Rudolph should have been a 5th round pick in our A Division. He connects the Flying V’s forwards and defense, allowing Brownlow and LaFond to roam free finding space. Has a hard shot, runs (and looks) like someone ten years younger, and will be the x-factor for the V’s in the playoffs. Collects all dumps and gets the ball back cycling to his teammates which is HUGE as B Division typically has a lot of dump/shoot and chase play to it.
Joe Petrellese, Charlottans
8G, 2A - 1.67 PPG
Stole two assists from his son on the scoresheets which gives him a bonus as CSHL INSIDER is an ADULT newsletter. I really wish this team had a forward who can create as it would allow Joe P to use his hands and vision to set plays up but we also get to see him let it fly ten times a game which is beautiful so I guess it evens out. Curious if we will ever get Joe in A before Joey bumps up or if we have to wait.
Brandon Brownlow, Flying V’s
6G, 7A - 1.86 PPG
I’m almost punishing Brandon for drafting such a good team, but he’s my #3 defenseman so far this season. LaFond & Rudy allow him to pick his spots a bit more and set up teammates over just shooting everything on site, but I think we’ll see him let it fly when playoffs come. A great captain who always drafts well, he gets bonus points here for putting his inexperienced players in positions to succeed.
Rich Wall, River Rats
5G, 2A 1.17 PPG
The speed of our B Division suits Rich well as he has more time to line up shots and pick corners rather than rushing to get it off his stick. Has held up well with the absences of Warren & Szlachetka but will benefit from their return as he isn’t a passer or someone who creates from the back. A ton of size and hustle on the back end.
Honorable Mention: Weber - High Voltage, blocks absolutely everything & never gives up on the play. Warren - River Rats, does everything for his team and is a great leader for being a first year captain. Ippolito - Flying V’s, a steal at his pick in the draft who is a wall on the back end.
Editor's Note: Played with Eddie for the first time today and pickup and can confirm he is #good
Combined A & B - Goalies
Patrick Martin, Hoolies - A Division
1.75 GAA, .911 Save % (makes you think)
Playoff. P. Mart. That’s who we’ve gotten so far this season and all the credit goes to Pat as he’s worked himself into incredible shape (huge shocker an adult who loses 30 pounds is way more athletic!) since this past NBHL season with the Realm. His concentration has taken a huge step this season as the past mental lapses are gone. PMart is locked in.
Andrew Mahoski, Flying V’s - B Division
1.86 GAA, 1SO
Behind the scenes there was some noise that Mahoski deserved an A Division goalie spot and he’s certainly playing like so far for the V’s. His rebound control has been steadily improving and Mahoski is certainly enjoying playing in front of an experienced defensive core as he only has to worry about the first save most of the time. He’s challenging for the #1 spot on these rankings.
Tim Hickey, Mullet Men - A Division
1.84 GAA, .899 Save %, 1SO
Another season, another near-MVP like performance for Hickey as he is enjoying a less stressful environment than this summer’s NBHL season with the Copperheads. Really athletic for a goalie on the other side of 40, Tim makes big saves when needed and aggressively cuts angles and walls the elite players of CSHL as seen earlier this season against Forbes. Should never have dropped to 3.06 in the draft.
Nick Harris, Raptors - B Division
2.29 GAA
Harris keeps getting better as he is moving past the new-goalie mistakes and starting to be more comfortable stepping out and using his angles in front of the net. This is his first (real) season as a full time goalie in CSHL and he looks as good as anyone outside of some fatigue on multi-game slates. Has a lot of upside and if his team can cut out some of the noise, may lead the Raptors to a championship.
Honorable Mention: Bowman - Gladiators, sporting a .903 save % for a struggling Gladiators team, there’s a decent chance he adds another SO before the season ends.
Miscellaneous Award Predictions
A - Newcomer of the Year: Cole Williams, Bombers
Delivered as advertised, will be a hot commodity for NBHL play.
B - Newcomer of the Year: Mike Rudolph, Flying V’s
Should have been in A, almost certainly will be in A for Winter ‘24.
A - Rookie of the Year: Nick Lavella, Rapids
Editor’s Note: A-ROY is a player moved up from B to A this season
No one should be surprised by this as the player who dominated our B Division last season fits in perfectly with the speed and physicality of A. Has a great wrist shot and is starting to pick corners in transition. Lavella is also our CSHL INSIDER A Division Player of the Week after five points in his breakout performance this weekend.
B - Rookie of the Year: Daniel Brainard, Flying V’s
Editor’s Note: B-ROY is a player new to hockey
One half of the #BRAINSTORM, Daniel has some of the best legs (pause) in B-League and is the perfect role player for the V’s. Winning a B Championship isn’t about your stars, it’s about how well the bottom half of your roster develops as the season progresses and Daniel is a huge reason why his team are the favorites at this point in the season.
A - Most Improved: Benny Thompson, Wieners
Back playing forward where he belongs, “third round” Benny is a force around the net and a huge body to move, making an impact each shift. If he picks up a few tricks from Kennedy he can jump up the CSHL scoring charts in upcoming seasons.
B - Most Improved: Cynthia Clay, Raptors
The amount of people who have mentioned how much better Cynthia has gotten is at least in the double digits this season. It’s to the point where I’m surprised when Cynthia messes up or loses a 50/50 battle.
A - Best Draft Pick: Sean Byrnes, Mullets (7.06)
Who the hell let Sean Byrnes fall to the end of the seventh round? I’d be shocked if he drops past the 5th in any future drafts as he’s a relentless forechecker and can play with more talented guys.
B - Best Draft Pick: 6th round veteran defenseman (Guia, 6.01 - Ippolito, 6.02 - Weber, 6.04)
These guys are punching way above their draft capital and helping anchor the back line for their teams. It kind of works that each of these teams have one defenseman who fits this mold, curious how they would look playing with each other.
Editor's Note: The Mullets are 4-2-0
The Hoolies aren’t just undefeated, they’re perfect with a 6-0 record after two more wins this weekend. The Wieners & Gladiators play for last place this weekend as both teams try to stay out of last.
Connor Malmstrom closes the gap on our leaders from last week as his dominant start to the season continues for the Hoolies.
Zach McKenna played his second game of the season and added four goals giving a 3.5 GPG average for the Rapids.
PMart is holding off the goalie stars of our A division as he only gave up four across two games this weekend in front of a shorthanded Hooligans lineup. He leads our A Division with a .917% save percentage.
Editor's Note: The Charlottans & Raptors both have 8 points...
The Flying V’s extend their lead on the division after a 5-1 win Sunday. We have a battle for third and an automatic spot in the double elimination portion of our playoffs.
Joe P was surprisingly blanked this week as the leaders in this division extend their lead.
The Rats defensive duo have 7 each as the continue to get scoring from all levels.
Chetta is starting to get assists but when will we see the goals.
Mahoski is looking like an A Division tendy as he continues to turn away shots for the Flying V’s. Harris looked great in two games this weekend for his Raptors.
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CSHL EVENTS - OCTOBER/NOVEMBER
FREE YOUTH CLINIC AT WAYMER
Where: Waymer Park
When: Saturday, October 26th
Time: 9-11AM
CSHL GOLF OUTING
Registration is LIVE for our annual CSHL Golf Outing!
Where: Warrior Golf Club
When: Friday, November 1st
Time: Please arrive by 8:45 to check in and hear a few words before we start
Format: Four-man Scramble
The cost to participate is $100 per player. Included in your fees are 18 holes of golf with a cart, range balls, and a chance to win a number of prizes. Mulligans, string, and raffle tickets will be available for purchase.
We are asking everyone to arrive no later than 8:45am to check in, get warmed up, and we'll say a few words before we get started at 9:28AM.
If you have any questions, or have a specific group you would like to play with, or if you’d like to sponsor/donate a prize to the tournament, please email: Chris.Ward@charlottestreethockeyleague.org
CHARLOTTE CHECKERS STREET HOCKEY NIGHT
On Saturday, November 9th the Charlotte Checkers will be hosting their first Street Hockey Night in partnership with CSHL. CSHL will have our NHL STREET rink set up in front of their primary box office for kids to play, for the 2-3 hours before puck drop for the 4PM game. A registration link for discounted family tickets will be available in the next couple of weeks. Come tailgate, hang out with your friends and help our league grow as we start our biggest partnership yet.